Monday, March 01, 2010

Allan's new reality

I have been much vexed by the continuing tribulations of Allan McGregor, a man seemingly hellbent on living his life out as a low rent version of Footballers' Wives. Readers' Footballers' Wives.

Last week's revelations about Allan getting a proper, old fashioned (and still mysterious) kicking after a night out in Glasgow even moved that wise sage Frank McAvennie to offer some lifestyle advice. And that sentence is more beyond parody than any I've written.

Maybe Allan's just misunderstood. Maybe he just needs to sort out his PR.

In which case might I recommend that he deletes Frank from his speed-dial and instead gets in touch with former Belgian 'keeper Jean-Marie Pfaff. In 1986 Jean-Marie was in goal as Belgium reached the World Cup semi-finals and went on to be included in Pele's bizarre list of greatest living footballers in 2004. In a long and celebrated career he also won the Bundesliga three times on the bounce with Bayern Munich.

Back in 2003, despite having been retired for more than a decade, Jean-Marie somewhat oddly found himself at the front of the queue when Flemish television was casting around for the Belgian equivalent of The Osbournes.

And so The Pfaffs was born. It survives and thrives to this day, charting the trials and tribulations of Jean-Marie, wife Carmen and their expanding family.

With STV searching around for homegrown hits to go with their heady mix of films even your granny has seen and hard hitting Antipodean drama, Allan could be the answer. Take one Jade Goody sized intellect, throw in more sex and violence than Jordan and Alex Reid could manage in a decade, mix in a fiance who is never happier than when she is being long suffering in lingerie, add an exasperated father.

Reality TV gold.

Skating On Thin Ice?