Thursday, November 23, 2006

The Tynecastle Stadium Mystery

Have you heard the one about the team that lost three managers and had an invisible owner?

No. Neither had I, but it’s unlikely to raise much of a titter in Gorgie at the moment.

Let’s recap.

Captain Steven Pressley has been dropped for speaking out against the Romanov revolution.

But Romanov, the most visible of all the SPL owners, has turned pretty much invisible.

Valdas Ivanauskas is still officially head coach but is recovering from a stress related condition in Lithuania. But he’s got to come back now to go to court for speeding.

Eduard Malofeev is acting head coach. But, at the age of 64, he was supposed to leave on Monday to start his UEFA coaching courses.

John McGlynn, who has been caretaker so many times that Harold Pinter is working on his biography, left this week for Raith Rovers.

Eugenijus Riabovas was supposed to take over on Monday. But now he’s back in Lithuania until next month.

But will he return before Mr Malofeev begins his two match touchline ban?

And, if not, will Hearts play those two games with only a translator in the dug-out?

Are you still with me? Thought not. There are, it seems, no answers at Tynecastle these days.